November 23, 2015

Classic Post: The Stages of Getting My Toddler To Eat Just One Damned Carrot

This post first appeared on Over the Cuckoos' Nest on May 13, 2014. (It was my first post!)

All of the following quotes are real, honest, and verbatim recordings of my very, very, VERY displeased toddler.

Stage 1: Denial

Subject doubles down on his position that he will not do what he has been asked.

"I am not eating this carrot."

Stage 2: Deception

Subject creates a circumstance that justifies his position. When questioned, he will resort to "fibbing".

"I tried a carrot once, Daddy, and I did not like it. I tried it while you were at Cub Scouts.

Stage 3: Delusion

Subject attempts to convince others that all is not as it seems.

"This pork tenderloin is a carrot. It is the only kind of carrot that I like."

Stage 4: Indignation

Subject attempts physical protest of the request.

"Hmmph!" (One carrot hits floor. For our dog Bootsie, this stage has an alternate name: Delight.)

Stage 5: Despair

Subject momentarily looses all capacity for speech.

**No words, but lies face down on the floor.**

Stage 6: Negotiation

Subject has regained powers of speech. Attempts to reach a mutually beneficial compromise.

"How about this, Mommy....I will take just one carrot and put it in my mouth. Then I will take a big drink and swallow it down."

Stage 7: Capitulation

Also known in parenting circles as the elusive "Checkmate".

"Wow, Mommy. That was not so bad."

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