September 16, 2014

Story in Stupidity: Rush Limbaugh wants you to stop chickifying the NFL with your damned feminism and wanting women not to be beat and stuff...


We're back with this week's Story in Stupidity. I know, you probably thought I'd forgotten...but I didn't!

So let's get started, shall we?

Gather around, ladies, gentlemen, and those of you who are neither but a whole lot of fun...

Once upon a time, there was a dude named Rush, and Rush...Rush had opinions.


He had lots of Opinions™.

Sometimes, Rush's opinions would take over. He could no longer control them, and they would come bubbling out of his mouth. They would say things like, "They are out there protesting things that they wish would happen to them sometimes," about women that were protesting sexual harassment.

Recently, Rush felt an opinion boiling up about a certain NFL football player, Ray Rice, who was the subject of public outcry after video surfaced of him knocking his then-future wife unconscious in an elevator.

Rush couldn't contain it. It was just too much--too much! He could not take this not one moment longer. So he said:

This is crazy. We’re feminizing this game, and its a man’s game. If we keep  feminizing this game, we’re going to ruin it. Keep chickifying this game, we’re going to ruin it. It’s going to become something it was never intended to be. And so many men now, executives in the league and sports drive-bys are in a  race to see who can be the most politically correct feminist guy. It’s comical to watch this.

That's right. Rush is concerned because we are "feminizing" football. We are "chickifying" it by holding someone who committed an act of violence accountable for that act.

That's some chickifying right thurrrrr.

But that's not all, folks. Rush wants to talk about the voting demographic of the NFL player in vaguely racist innuendo:

War on women? Are these guys beating up their wives?  Are they all Republicans? Are they? Are they voting Democrat , you think? I mean, who’s really conducting the war on women here? Who’s actually doing this? Who has brought this all about? All this supposed abuse on women that takes place in the NFL? Who are these guys? Think they’re voting Republican? I kinda doubt it. 
I think the odds are, they’re voting Democrat. I’m sorry, if they’re going to politicize this — they’re the ones politicizing this — I’m doing nothing but following along. And they’re the ones who have this stupid war on women meme, accusing the Republicans of it, and I don’t see any Republicans accused of this.

Dear, dear Rush. It's absolutely clear how this ties into domestic violence.

Maybe. Somehow. I don't really know.

But what IS clear is that you have Opinions™, and for that, we thank you.

The End.

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