Where is my TARDIS?
No, really, I need one. Like now. Actually, I'll take just about any lift off of the planet that I can get. Deal? Deal.
But really. Cruising Facebook, I ran across a Buzzfeed post, and then another by the Huffington Post, on Olivia Wilde's breastfeeding Glamour shot, and I am just...floored. I don't know how these people get through the day.
Here's a look at the collection of the best (that's relative!) responses that I ran across.
You have your run of the mill "BREASTS ARE SEXUAL AND SO THIS IS A SEXUAL ACT!" posts:
You are absolutely right, Jeff. Masturbation IS normal and healthy. It's also a sexual act, which breastfeeding is not. If someone is breastfeeding for sexual pleasure--i.e., a grown man is nursing his big baby fetish--please, feel free to say something.
I feel like I am trapped in some twilight world where this is a retort not unlike the "I know you are but what am I" everyone was so fond of in bygone years.
Silly females! It's your fault that breast are sexualized, because SHIRTS!
There's the "breastfeeding is natural, and so is waste elimination" line of thought:
My friend, if you can't tell the difference between food and feces, you have bigger problems than women breastfeeding in public.
I seriously worry about these people. To not know the difference between food and waste...that's a terrible life to live. *frowny face*
There's the "maybe it's society's fault BUT I DON'T CARE" beliefs:
No, dear Holly. If you're so distracted you have to stare, it's not society's fault. It's yours.
You're easily distracted, so someone else should change their life...got it.
"JUST COVER UP ALREADY!"
Covers are convenient for women that want to use them.*
*Fixed that for you, Tiffany.
There's the "women are just trying to prove a point" posts:
You know what would be awesome? A woman breastfeeding with an AR-15 on her back, in public. Let's make this happen. I think it would truly make Mike's day.
If you're displaying your breasts, that's your choice....
"I know it's natural, but............."
"I don't want to see a natural part of your body doing a natural thing! But I'm okay with shirtless guys at the beach!"
And then "There's a time and a place!", you silly breastfeeding moms you!
Your babies should know better, ladies. Teach them their proper place. There's a time and a place to be hungry, for God's sake!
Yup, that's right. Feeding a baby is exactly the same thing as indulging an adult's fetish...
"This baby is clearly being sexualized!"....
And "BREASTFEEDING IS GROSS, BOOBS ARE GROSS EWWWWWWW!"
Because apparently we're all 12 year olds here.
"BOOBS ARE FOR HUSBANDS ONLY!"
Nope. Definitely mine. I decide who accesses them, when and where and why.
Obvious troll is, well, obvious...
"I Have The Right To Throw You Out" because reasons...
This is just obnoxious. I can't even snark appropriately on it.
Of course, a post about breastfeeding wouldn't be complete without posts sexualizing Olivia's breasts:
Oh, and before I sign off....
The other extreme is just as annoying.
And supporting breastfeeding in one breath, and slut-shaming in the next...
Real quick, let's recap.
- Breastfeeding is not the same as waste elimination. Breastmilk is not a waste product. Urine and feces can't nourish a human; breastmilk can.
- Breastfeeding isn't obscene.
- Breastfeeding isn't sexual.
Quit making it something it's not.