August 01, 2014

Story in Stupidity: Once upon a time, there was a woman who didn't understand marriage equality...or love...or basic human history

Gather around, boys and girls, it's that time of the week again, and boy do I have a beautiful story in stupidity for you today, folks. Because I care, I really really do.

You see, it goes a little something like this.

Once upon a time, there was a woman named Michele and she had quite an adventure.

Michele, surname Bachmann, was of the clan Tea-Party, of the brave Republicans, from the land of Conservative.

Brave Michelle was quite busy, fighting the evils of the Feminazis and Homo-dragons. For in her days, the land had become an evil place, full of chaos and social progress. It was a land where people different from dear Michele were demanding--and receiving!--basic equal rights.

And Michele knew that something had to be done. This simply could not stand. There was only one thing to do.

Go onto conservative radio shows and really make herself look like a fool...I mean, drive her point home.

Michele said:
“This is a revolution that we are encountering now. For all of the thousands of years of recorded human history, about 5,000 years, there is no instance of any culture, nation or tribe ever having as the established standard for marriage anything other than between man and woman. It may have been multiple women and a man, it may have been something like that, but it was always between men and women.”
For alas, poor Michele did not realize that recorded human history encompasses at least 6,000 years, and that some societies--like the evil communists in that dreaded nation known as China or the tech people in that magical land of India--quite possibly have civilizations that extended back 10,000 years.

For such things were not in her Bible, and thus, Michele, faithful and true, did not know of them.

And Michele, also lacking a basic understanding of zoology and biology, because they too were not covered in the good book, also said:
“I think that nature tells us, our biology tells us that marriage is between man and a woman, when we tamper with something that was generated by the Creator of the Universe, I think there are profound consequences that we haven’t yet realized.” 
Michele did not realize--alas!--that biology tells us nothing about marriage, because marriage is a purely social construct. She also did not realize that homosexual behavior has been observed in over 1500 species, so obviously biology is telling us something.

After all of this, though, our heroine still maintained a position of love:

After all that, Bachmann insisted that she was communicating a message of love for gay people and that conservatives must show the nation that God “is so much more powerful than the evil we see unleashed upon the world today.”
“Our message is to spread goodness and joy and wholeness and healing, and we do that through a loving God with a message that frees people, it doesn’t enslave people, we shouldn’t fear giving out this very good word,” Bachmann said. “It takes these concepts for the purpose of bringing liberty, joy, healing, wholeness and a fresh way of thinking for people’s lives.” 
And the people knew this to be true, because as her interview showed, she was filled with nothing but love and compassion for these people:
During a Wednesday appearance on the conservative radio show “Faith & Liberty,” Rep. Michele Bachmann accused the “gay community” of pushing “deviancy,” “tyranny” and child rape. 
The Minnesota Republican warned that the gay community will “abolish age of consent laws, which means we will do away with statutory rape laws so that adults will be able to freely prey on little children sexually. That’s the deviance that we’re seeing embraced in our culture today.” 
She also predicted that gay rights advocates will legalize polygamy and enact “hate speech laws across the United States” in order to bring about “the rise of tyranny.” 
Love and compassion and a fresh way of thinking, indeed.

The end.

Now check out the source for these quotations at Right Wing Watch. You can even listen to the interview for yourself.

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