July 16, 2014

Story in Stupidity:
The Princeton mom wants you to quit your femi-nazi-ing and fucking make your husbands happy already

I know I haven't used the "Stories in Stupidity" column very often, but it's hard sometimes to trust that there will be enough stories to fuel it. This week though? This week is enough for an anthology.

Today, I'd like to tell you a story in stupidity, so gather around, boys and girls, and let's talk about Sue Patton.

Once upon a time, there was a woman. A woman who said things like this:
“I wanted a much broader life than just motherhood. My parents didn’t see the value in that, they couldn’t understand. They saw it for my brother, but not for me. And he would tell you this: He wasn’t much of a student. But I was, and I always wanted a bigger life, a more creative life, a more engaged life, out of the Bronx.”
This woman wanted a bigger life than just motherhood. Her parents were Holocaust survivors, and undoubtedly, this gave her an appreciation for the wider world.

However, eventually, this woman heard her "biological clock" and decided to settle down and marry. After she married, she said things like this:
In a 2013 New York Magazine interview, she lamented the fact that her former husband hadn’t gone to Princeton. “He went to a school of almost no name recognition. Almost no name recognition. A school that nobody has respect for, including him, really.” 
This woman looks quite different from the one above, doesn't she? She doesn't seem like a creature we would recognize.

This woman divorced. She then began doing things like sending letters to her alma mater, Princeton, urging young women to settle down and use the opportunity to avoid her mistake by finding a husband that was their intellectual equal.

Then she went further, and began to give marital advice on Fox & Friends. That sounds a little like this:
She said the best way to keep husbands happy was to ask, “How was your day? Can I make you a drink? What would you like for dinner? What can I do that will make your evening more enjoyable?” When co-host Brian Kilmeade asked her why women aren’t doing this, Doocy chimed in with another deep question; “Is this feminism?” Of course! Patton claims it’s an “overcorrection” from a time when women’s issues were ignored, to now when “it’s all about women’s priorities … Women have been so emboldened by these antagonistic feminists that they have lost sight of the fact that this is the man you married.”
And this:
On the “Fox & Friends” segment this morning, she criticized women for not respecting their husbands. She criticized women for being dismissive of their husbands and for not treating them as worthy human beings. "If you disrespect a husband, if you're dismissive of a husband, this isn't good for women." 
Well, boys and girls, do you know what the moral of this story is?

I don't really think there is one. It's clear what the only obvious explanation is, however:

All quotes from the story "'Princeton Mom' Susan Patton: Make your husbands happy, drop the feminism" by Reno Berkely. Great story, well worth a look.

I hope you enjoyed this fairytale, and I really hate to shatter your day by saying that yes, this is all very, very real.

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